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Choosing Myself

Several magical things happened today: I painted this painting of a girl reading with coffee (Books and Coffee, acrylic on wood panel, 10”x10”x1.5” $100) and doing so reminded me of who I am and why it’s important that in the end I chose myself. I chose the freedom to be myself and the peace to read and write and paint over a relationship that meant the world to me. Mercury Retrograde had me questioning that choice, feeling sad and regretful, feeling even that my life despite its business and its ambition is kinda empty. Today I was able to remember that it’s not. I made this painting thinking of one my favorite readers, who is also a close friend, someone who’s stood by me through my transformation but also someone who values being herself and devoting herself to the things she loves, things like art and reading. She’s definitely the girl who reads in the painting, but then again so am I. And I want to enjoy being me, doing the things I love, and seeing where this journey takes me. I do want other things in my life too. I definitely want love. But not at the expense of losing myself.

The other magical thing that happened: You won’t believe it, but finally after 13 years in Texas, my dream came true! I saw live armadillos! Not somewhere out in the country but right here in the heart of Houston, in the lush greenery of Memorial Park, during an evening walk with a friend. There were two of them! One for me, one for my friend! They were round and bouncy, full of energy, like Holly. They were lovely armadillos! I guess experiencing this little miracle here in Houston was a sign that I’m on the right track. Also, you know what the symbolism of armadillos is? Defense and boundaries, so yes, it’s the Universe telling me that protecting myself and my creativity is the right thing to do.