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Sinking

And somehow I survived. One more exam to give, and this horrible school year is over. Between the hurricane and its aftermath, selling the house, the brutal winter, and the excitement and steep learning curve of my first few months in the Escapist Mentorship Program, this year has been an avalanche of exhaustion. I often felt that I was sinking. There was support I counted on that didn’t materialize, there were a few people who disappointed, but also quite a few wonderful surprises, especially being admitted into the Mentorship Program and receiving the help, affirmation, and constructive advice it offers. Not to mention the laughter. There is a lot of laughter. And as soon as I rest and reset there will be even more.

Still, it’s useful, too, to remember the lows. The moments when I don’t know how I managed to summon the force to swim towards the light: the time when I thought the house wouldn’t sell, when I felt overwhelmed tackling the repairs in a post-hurricane town where all the contractors were busy, then happened to come down with the flu while dealing with a mega-crisis at work. Yes, I believe that must have been the low-point of it all. Though the realtor rudely pressuring me to get my stuff out of the house asap in order to accommodate the buyer, at the busiest time of the semester, no less, was no picnic either. Neither was my drafty apartment that smelled like burned electricity whenever I turned on the heat. Still, somehow, I made it through all that and more. And now I like remembering how dark and lonely and discouraging some of it was. It’s good not to forget such things. As a measure of your own strength and magic. And as a way to put the better times ahead into perspective.